Dating a committment phobic

15-Nov-2017 06:25 by 6 Comments

Dating a committment phobic

Inevitably, their experience of relationships thus far has not been ideal.

Commitment phobes often become really defensive and argumentative if you take control of a situation because they like being the ones in control.

A lot of commitment phobes get over their fears once they find someone who gives them time to get used to being part of a couple.

But think twice before you let yourself fall in love with a long-term sufferer.

Commitment phobes don’t like showing vulnerability: the more you see under the surface, they more power you have over them. Spell it out nice and slow for them as you mention the other two no-nos – the ‘l’ word and the ‘m’ word (living together or marriage) – and watch their reaction.

Or simply say something like ‘My best friend’s getting married this weekend. ’The true commitment phobe will find this threatening on so many levels, they’ll instantly invent an excuse, change the topic or disappear.

But once a guy hits his late 30s, there's no more clear "tell." Most men at this age trade frequent nights at the bar for dinners with friends and more low-key, mature plans. They start dressing better and maybe even losing their hair or going gray.

They look different, they act different, and would dare say they're afraid of commitment at this age. But they have failed to address whatever it is that has held them back from making a real commitment.

As you sit across from a commitment-phobic man on a date, you might never know it. As we enter our fourth decade in life, most of us start looking for something serious, so we only date people who say they're looking for something serious too.

But there's a problem that almost every single girl over 30 has encountered: __After 30, almost everyone says they're ready to settle down, even if they're not.__In our 20s, it's normal to not be ready to marry, so a disinterest in lifelong commitment at this age is no big deal. It's fairly easy to tell that a guy in a bar checking out other girls or spraying champagne in every picture on his dating profile might not exactly be marriage-minded.

They’re the people who are always late because they resent having to be somewhere at a certain time. They don’t pay bills until they’re sent threatening letters. Whether it’s taking out a mortgage or contributing to the deposit for a group holiday with friends, they just can’t bring themselves to say, ‘I do.’Like most things, there’s a sliding scale with commitment phobia.

Some people can’t commit to seeing you tomorrow, others are fine right up until the crucial last minute.

If they’re in control, they can control their emotions and they can’t get hurt.

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