Dating red flags

01-Jul-2017 02:11 by 10 Comments

Dating red flags - recognizing dating violence

He or she tries to make you feel that you are wrong for your feelings or your position.

I can see that no one has ever really seen you." For many narcissists, the pursuit is everything and once they have you hooked, they are either off to another pursuit, or they become more and more demanding of you. The person becomes angry, critical or withdrawn if you say no. Narcissists need constant attention and often become very upset and punishing if you don't give them what they want. The person becomes logical and tries to talk you out of your feelings or your experience.

Over the many years of working with thousands of people looking to find a committed relationship, I've discovered numerous red flags that may indicate future problems.

Very often, when the person I'm working with has moved ahead with the relationship, one of these issues -- which might not have seemed huge at the beginning -- becomes a major problem leading to the demise of the relationship. As you read this list, don't just focus on the other person.

You're really hitting it off, but the dude is basically a ghost. No one who online dates is "off the grid." He's hiding a dark secret (or he just has a girlfriend).2. And then suddenly you don't hear from him for 12 hours. Either his mom gets sick or he gets a flat tire or his mom gets sick again. Bailing eight times means he's hoping you'll send him nude pictures without him ever having to actually meet you.9. He's always complaining about the long hours he works, but he makes really good money, so it's OK. Everyone likes to talk themselves up when you first meet them, but he really forces conversations in odd directions just to get the chance to make himself look cool. Unless you are actually a giant baby, Benjamin Button-style, there's no reason for some guy you don't know to call you that.

Either he's being really forward with you or that "thinking of you" text was only sent to you because he wasn't paying attention.4.

If he doesn't have a job, it's understandable that he won't want to lead with that, but if he won't even elaborate when pressed, he either (1) does something shady as hell for a living or (2) is just fine with lying a lot.14. It's one thing if he's being a gentleman and doesn't want you to make a long drive out to see him.

It's another if he freaks out at the prospect of you being within a 20-mile radius of his home.15. Either he has low self-esteem, doesn't care about pictures, or that picture is not at all indicative of him. We all bring our unhealed wounds with us into our primary relationships, often projecting our parents or other caregivers onto our partner. Again, don't expect that you can get the person to change.The person needs to be acceptable to you as he or she is. If the person is in a lot of debt, or tries to "borrow" money from you, beware. It's not always easy to determine if someone is lying or withholding the truth. If you consistently feel that you are not being told the truth, and you have not been concerned about this in other relationships, then trust your feelings.They will change if they want to, but you can't make them change. Many of my very kind clients, in trying to help their partner, have been used and burned by loaning money, or by allowing their partner, who is not earning money, to live with them. If you have a trust issue in general, then you might want to deal with your issue. The person has no close friends and is not close to family.There is always a reason that a person has no friends and is not close with family, and the reason might be important for you to know. The person is judgmental of self and others, talking about self and others in disparaging ways. A jealous, possessive person is a person who is very insecure. A person with few hobbies or interests may be a person who is dependent on others for their sense of self, and may be very demanding in a relationship. The person takes no responsibility for their own feelings. You get a text that seems like it was meant for someone else.